Music Downloads & Lyrics
-Please give a warm welcome to
the marvelous Rachel Brosnahan.
-Hello.
Hello, hello, hello.
I am so honored
to be here tonight
to celebrate Joan Rivers.
She was one
of the pioneering comedians
I studied to shape Mrs. Maisel
on "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel."
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
I thought it would be
kind of fun
if we picked four categories
at random
and you, the audience,
can decide which one we cover.
Yeah?
Okay, I'll read some categories.
You choose the one
that you like
by cheering as loudly
as you can.
And then I will deliver
as many of Joan's jokes
as I can in 60 seconds.
How does that sound?
Okay. All right, here we go.
Four random categories.
Socioeconomic theory.
Baroque architecture.
Okay. Tort law.
Okay.
And last but not least, vaginas.
I'm -- I'm pretty sure
it was tort law, right?
No? Please? Okay. All right.
You know,
I expected so much more of you.
All right, here we go.
Joan's finest vagina jokes
in 60 seconds.
Hit it.
"My gynecologist does jokes.
Dr. Schwartz, at your cervix."
"I've had so many
yeast infections,
if I sit out in the sun
too long, I start to rise."
"You know what's sad?
My vagina's just like MySpace.
It was popular in the '90s,
but now nobody wants
to go there."
"Her vagina's so dry
she can start a fire
by rubbing her legs together."
"My gynecologist does jokes.
He puts his ear to me and goes,
'I can hear the ocean.'"
"I call my G-spot Amelia Earhart
because nobody looks for it
anymore."
"Before I go
to the gynecologist,
I shower, I douche,
I shower, and I douche again.
Then I try a few breath mints.
Sometimes they fall out.
And why?
Because you want to feel fresh
when you're being humiliated."
"My gynecologist is so cheap, he
doesn't even have an exam table.
He just asks me to undress
and do a somersault."
"The only good thing
about loud vagina farts
is that they scare away
the crabs."
"I have a Jewish gynecologist.
Once a year,
he gives me a pap schmear."
"He is so crude, he starts
the examination screaming,
'What a dump!'"
"Suzanne's is so dry,
senior citizens go there
to retire."
"My gynecologist takes out
his mirror and says,
'May I show you to your womb?'"
I'm pretty sure they let me
run over 60 seconds.
But thank you very much.
Thank you all.
Thank you to Joan.
Thank you all
for being here tonight.
I hope that you
and your vaginas enjoy the show.
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